WHICH of these SMS CAN MAKE UR DAY FANTASTIC

WHICH of these SMS CAN MAKE UR DAY FANTASTIC 1). Congratulations, you have won $20,000 2). Hey babe, just wanted to say 'I love you' 3). Come fetch your money, sorry about the delay. Or u want me to bring it? 4). Come over now, I want you!!!! 5). Please call me 6). You have been admitted into the university of your choice 7). Did you here that monday is now a public holiday? 8. I have a crush on you 9). I am pregnant n its urz..... 10). Congratulation,your wife just gave birth 11). Others specify?? Just choose with faith b4 you sleep and receive the surprise alert. Gud9t peepz!

PUNISHING

Conversation btw Akpos and his Oga.. Oga: Akpors! Akpors: Yes Oga, gud morning Oga... Oga: gud morning, shay u knw sa 2day na Sunday? Akpos: Yes Oga Oga: k gud, enter my room u go see my black Italian shoe wa I bring from Italy polish am for me make i use go church Akpos: ok (minutes later he returns from the bath room and met Akpors wiping his shoes with a long rod) Oga: Jeez! Akpors! Watin happen?? Akpors: (now sweating poriously) I think sa u sa make I punish your shoe.... If na u, watin u go do??? Happy sunday peepS

BLIND BUT NOW I SEE

A blind guy visited his choir mistress @ her house to share a testimony and found her bathing. Since the Choir Mistress knew the guy was blind, she came out naked from the bathroom to let him in, shaved her private parts in front of him whilst talking to him. She then asked permission to go n take her bath. After bathing, she came back to him while wiping herself and tried 2 make a conversation by asking him :Broda Iyke , what brings u here? Is everything fine @ home?He replied: Yes, Very fine. I came to tell u dat I have done the eye operation, so I can see now!. If you are the lady what will u do?

EBOLA!! EBOLA!! EBOLA!!!

Many people are afraid of litle EBOLA VIRUS but are not afraid of God and his capital purnishment for sin which is hell fire. I don't know that Nigerians can preach like this, see how everybody became EBOLA preacher. Had it been that we have preached Christ and salvation like this, the world would have been a paradise for all. This is end time and EBOLA is a sign of it, repent today and be saved. U can share dis message 2 your frinds and public thanks

STUPID QUESTIONS DAY !!!

Abi you don forget ?? today na STUPID QUESTIONS DAY !!! So ask any stupid question.. But i will ask mine first before u do.. 1: Who sang skelewu by Davido?? . 2:how much is that 10 naira satchet water? 3:what is H2O formular of water?? 4:which country hosted d brazil 2014 world cup? 5:Chukwu, abeg, is ur sister a girl? 6:pls, r u people on facebook? Gimme ur usernames & lemme add u. Drop yours and lets see the funniest, dnt stop the fun !!!

Akpos in Public Toilet

Akpos in Public Toilet I was in the public toilets and had just sat down , a voice from the next cubicle said: Voice: Hi, how are you? Me: Embarrassed I’m doing fine? Voice: So what are you up to? Me: Just doing the same as you , sitting here! Voice:Can I come over? Me: *Annoyed* Rather busy right now! The voice then said “Listen , I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions.” lol, Please one name for Akpos...

LOVE IN THE FAMILY

"SON: Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl! FATHER : That's great son. Who is she? SON : It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter FATHER : Ohhh! I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister. The boy naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later SON: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter! FATHER: That's great son. Who is she? SON: It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter. FATHER: Ohhhh! I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister. This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother: SON: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but, I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!The mother hugs him affectionately MOTHER: My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He isn't your father." One word for this family??

DRUNK AKPOS

Akpos was very drunk and was struggling to open his door with his key. His neighbor asked him "sir can I help you open the door?" Akpos said "don't worry, just help me hold the house straight, I can open the door" one word for Akpos!

CONVERSATIONS

Don't ignore reading this conversations. AUGUST: My son am tired SEPTEMBER: why? AUGUST: My time is up, i will be going to join your forefathers SEPTEMBER: I know, u have less than 2 days to live... i will miss you Dad AUGUST:But let me tell you some things b4 i go SEPTEMBER:What is it? AUGUST: Please when i go, make sure you take care of this person SEPTEMBER: Who?... AUGUST:The person (reading) listening to this conversation of ours? SEPTEMBER: Okay AUGUST: I made some promises to this person during my reign, i fulfilled some, and some I couldn’t SEPTEMBER: But why couldn’t you fulfill all dad? AUGUST:Well, my son...sometimes time and human factors affected some of the promises SEPTEMBER:But... AUGUST: But surely, I spoke with God on this person's behalf, and God granted my wish in you to fulfill the rest promises. So these are the rest of the fulfillment you will carry out on this person.. SEPTEMBER: Go on dad.. AUGUST:Stabilize this person's health without cease all through your reign!Open a direct link between our God and this person SEPTEMBER:Done, carry on AUGUST:Ensure that this person's dreams come to reality within the shortest SEPTEMBER:Alright AUGUST: Give this person wealth that will touch lives of multitudes SEPTEMBER: surely AUGUST:Make sure that you remove all remaining hindrances to success from this person's way, I have being trying to make sure that money will never remain d priority of this person, so keep to that please, make sure son! SEPTEMBER: I will dad, no problem! AUGUST:Pay more emphasis on the advice of this person's friends, don't worry about that of this person's enemies, God will take care of that! Get it? SEPTEMBER: Yes AUGUST:Finally,promise me that when your own time is up, you will instruct that your offspring after offspring (October ,November , December.) to keep positive fulfillment of this person going! SEPTEMBER:yes dad, may God help me! AUGUST: Now i can join my ancestors happily!

CHASED

Akpos was being chased by two men for one of his numerous crimes. Akpors ran into d forest and d men followed him. Akpos got into the forest and climbed a tree. The two men got to the tree where Akpors was and did not know where he ran to. Angrily, one of the men, retorted: “This boy has escaped again”. His colleague replied: “I know Akpos, if I call his name thrice, he’ll answer! Akpos laughed from d tree and said to d men: “If you like call my name from now till next year I no go answer u, U think say na Akpos of before?” Please One name for Akpos...

Girls Facebook photo history

Girls Facebook photo history Profile pics:- 500 Photos:-2,500 Mobile Upload:- 1,800 Instagram:- 800 New Me:-1,200 Pics Mix:- 300 Birthday Things:- 150 Guys facebook photo history Profile pics:- 5 Photos:-60 Mobile Upload:- 50 Instagram:- 0 Dis Girls get ********** oooo Abeg fill d space

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Akpos got 0% marks in an exam and was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct! The questions and answers below: Q.1- In which battle did Usman Dan Fodio Die? Ans.- In his Last Battle. Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed? Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page. Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce? Ans.- Marriage. Q.4- What day is the Nigeria Independence? Ans.- Independence Day Q.5- When was Nelson Mandela Born? Ans.- On His Birthday. Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People? Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake! Do you feel that he was wrongly penalized? Comment Below..

Five Ways to Catch a Tiger!

Five Ways to Catch a Tiger! American Police Style: Allow the tiger to catch you, then you catch the tiger. China Police Style: Chase the tiger until it becomes tired, then you catch it. Arab Police Style: Kidnap the tiger's wife and threaten the tiger to surrender. Indian Police Style: Sing for the tiger until it comes close to you, then catch it. Nigerian Police Style: Catch a goat, beat it until it agrees that it is a tiger. Which style is the best?

Joke by Helen Paul

Joke by Helen Paul....One day, a woman asked her son, Akpos to call her husband to ask him what he wanted her to cook for dinner. After the sixth time the boy complained to his mother that a female voice was what he heard everytime he called and the lady would not let him speak to his dad. By the time the man got home that evening, his wife was fuming seriously. She was so angry that she met him at his car and grabbed his shirt right there in the front yard. "How dare you cheat on me?" she shouted, attracting the neighbours instantly. "How could you? After all we have been through?" The confused man stared at her. He could not fathom why she was so mad at him. The neighbours tried to calm her down but she refused, and when someone asked for evidence, she recounted the phone call episode and called on Akpos to repeat everything the lady on the phone said. "The number you are calling is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later," Akpos said. One word for Akpos..

I MUST HAVE A JOB OOO

AFTER writing waec !!! After writing jamb !!! AFTER scoring 180+ in the UTME!!! AFTER practicing JAMB past questions for POST UME!!! AFTER paying 40k for acceptance fee and over 45k tuition fee!!! AFTER paying extra 60k for house rent and other dues!!! AFTER carrying file from one office to another!!! AFTER trekking from school gate to your faculty under hot sun!!! AFTER drinking garri for months!!! AFTER standing in queue for close to an hour at the ATM stand!!! AFTER so many copy and paste assignment!!! AFTER visiting friends for food. AFTER buying 100mtn and etisalat just to collect mb for assignment!!! AFTER standing up for first timer in all fellowship!!! AFTER overcoming the dangers of living without your parents!!! AFTER surviving the pressure of some sadistic lecturers!!! AFTER having sleepless nights preparing for your exams!!! AFTER going to night class everyday!!! AFTER going to prayer garden everyday!!! AFTER over coming that lecture theater stress!!! AFTER arguing with students that secure space for their friends with their Biro, books, bag and even lipstick!!! AFTER writing your final exam!!! AFTER ALL THESE... Na there one witch for ur village or any where, Go come say u nor go find decent job or you won't graduate with your mates!!! I decree that peace will not be their portion! Fire will burn them day and night in d mighty name of Jesus!!! Poverty and strife shall hold them ransom!! You shall be their saving grace!!! At the end the shall join you to give praise to the Lord!!! For in the mighty name of Jesus.....

AMERICA VISA

John went to American Embassy for a student visa, and the process of his interview with the white lady went this way; WHITE LADY: what are you going to the USA for? John: to study. WHITE LADY: which city, school and course do you wish to study? John: Chicago, Economics and Statistics maths are my admission documents. WHITE LADY: but there are many Universities in Nigeria that offer this course and you still want to travel as far as USA to study the same course why? I doubt your genuine intention and therefore can’t give you the entry visa that you have applied for. John: (in anger) please give me back my passport let me get out of this place, what do you think that is in USA that is not in Nigeria, what do you think that I will see in US that we don't have in Nigeria here? Do you think that USA is in any way better than this country and if you think that USA is better than Nigeria, then why have you chosen to stay in Nigeria instead of your country America? WHITE LADY: (with serious anger and love for her dear country stood up and said to him) look i'm gonna give you entry visa to USA so that you gonna travel to America and see what is in USA. And to see the difference between America and Nigeria. (out of anger, she stamped the visa for John). May the anger of your enemy be the promotion to your next level! Can I hear Amen?Have a very wonderful week to y'al

Who do u think is this child?

Even New Born Babies Pray Against Untimely Death See This One Do So My friend, mouth sealed, name withheld, who impregnated a girl, I've been quiet all this while o. Why I want to talk now is that the girl gave birth last saturday. She had used abortion pills bought for her by that my friend before now, to make sure the baby does not come but goes back to where he's from before actually getting to this world. But somehow, the abortion pills yielded no result. So she put to bed last saturday after 9 months. As the baby was born in the hospital, I was there o, but not in the room where the labour took place o, do you want me to go blind and deaf and dumb? As I was saying, the baby was born and started laughing instead of crying, I took to my heels including some security men. The more the nurses that were bold enough, beats him, the more he laughed so hard. Suddenly the doctor noticed he had something in his hands, so he pulled the tiny hands apart and discovered he was holding three abortion pills. The baby turned his head looking at the girl, his mother, and laughed again and said; No weapon fashioned against me shall prosper! Who do u think is this child??

fixing the roof

For a long time Akpos has been battling with a leak in his roof. One night there was a very heavy down pour, he had to move from one corner of his house to the other to avoid drops from his roof. This made him have sleepless night. The next morning he decided to fix his roof, after scouting for ladder in his neighborhood, he tried to climb to the roof. Climbing wasn't easy, he panted and sweated but successfully climbed to the roof, as he was about to fix the damage, he heard a knock on his door. He yelled from the top of his voice; "who is that?"HIS friend Biodun showed up at the ground and said, "excuse me, can I see u?" Akpos asked "what is it you want to tell me?" Biodun said,"just spare me one minute". Akpos climbed back to the ground, looking tired and asked "what can I do for you?" biodun said "can u give me N50?" Akpos thought for a while and said "FOLLOW ME". The two of them started climbing to the roof, panting and gasping for breath, they got to the roof, after panting for one minute Akpos turned to the biodun and said "I DON'T HAVE" ONE WORD FOR AKPOS

technology advacement

So Technology Has Developed Like This? I did store my girlfriend's number with her name Rose, on my phone o. This morning, I decided to call her, to see how she is doing. As I scrolled to her number and called, a voice said; You have insufficient credit to make this call, please recharge and try again. I checked my account balance to confirm this, it was true, so, I borrowed my neighbour's phone to make this call. This my neighbour is my close pal o. Someone that we played with pant in the street when we were growing up. Very reliable guy man he is. As I dialled my girlfriend's number on his phone, do you know what appeared on the screen? ''MY LOVE''. I started wondering how did the phone know that the owner of the number is my lover. When I asked my friend how did the phone know that the owner of that number is my love. My friend told me that this is what all this new phones do now o. So technology has gotten to this level? White people are trying o! We are really moving forward. Palz dont you think so?

mental case

Akpos was being discharged from Yaba Mental Hospital after the doctors thought he was finally back to normal. They put him in an Ambulance to be taken back home. They took him to Omole, as he claimed that's where he lived. Just as they approached a certain house, 2 kids dressed in school uniforms came out of the house. Akpos screamed; "Those are my children, they are going to school". A minute later a woman came out of the same house and Akpos screamed; "That's my wife, she is late for work." This time the doctors were convinced Akpos was okay and took him out of the ambulance but was still in chains. As they were about unlocking the chains, a man came out of the house and Akpos screamed; "Yes, that's me, i am going to my office." Is akpos supposed to be released?

one wish

Akpors who has no wife, no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, infact very very poor. But one day he saw a magician who promised to grant him only one wish. Magician : Tell me one thing u wish, and I will do it for u right now. Akpors: ok, no problem, I have only one wish, I want my mother to see my wife carrying two of my kids in my Hummer Jeep parked near the swimming pool in one of my many mansions situated in london city. The magician fainted. One word for akpors plz

LONG BUT FUNNY

(This happened many years ago... Enjoy) Late in 1994, an 87 year old man died in a village close to Amai, Kwale, Delta State. The late man's grand son, Ufiaka (26 years old and fairly educated), was given some money and asked to travel to Agbor to buy a fine casket for his grand pa's burial. Ufiaka left base early and arrived Agbor in good time to purchase the casket and make the return journey same day. He was fortunate to get an open back white colored Peugeot 404 pickup heading for Amai. He, however, had to ride in the back of the pickup with the casket because two market women traveling to Amai were already seated in front with the driver. On the home journey, they ran into a heavy rain storm close to Uronigbe and Ufiaka quickly opened the casket, lay himself nicely in the well padded interior, covered the lid and used the folded newspaper he had with him to leave a small opening between the lid and the main body of the white casket to ensure adequate ventilation. The interior of the casket was very comfortable and Ufiaka soon fell into a very deep sleep. The rain had subsided at the time the pickup van arrived at Umutu and during a brief stop there, two men traveling to Amai boarded the vehicle at the back and the same happened at Ubiaruku where a man and a woman traveling also to Amai entered the vehicle. All this while, Ufiaka was enjoying his beauty sleep inside the Casket completely unaware of the new passengers who boarded at Umutu and Ubiaruku. The pickup van arrived Amai just after 5p.m. and the driver, who was now very hungry, stopped in front of a busy bukataria to have a quick bite before proceeding onto the next village. The sudden stoppage and reviving of the pickup's engine woke Ufiaka who then opened the lid of the casket and rose up. Trouble come start! The passengers in the back of the pickup jumped out of the vehicle from various points and took to their heels in various directions. The people eating in the buka (including the mama-put and her service girls) who saw the white casket open, and a "ghost" step out, ran off all over the place some with balls of eba and akpu in their hands. Ufiaka, seeing people running 'helta skelta' was convinced that armed robbers were operating and decided to take-off in the direction three of the passengers, including the woman, were running. When the three passengers realized that Ufiaka was running towards them, they increased their speed and shouted "ghost! ghost!"ghost! and, to further worsen the situation, Ufiaka was dressed in white up and down with white shoes to match that day. With the shouting of 'ghost', other people in their homes came out to see what was going on and on seeing people running at high speed all over, they joined in the race for their dear life and the number just swelled. The driver and the two market women were the only people who knew what was on going and they had a hell of a time calming the people down and explaining that … he merely needed shelter, while it was raining. If you were there, what would you have done?

who wants to be a millionaire

Akpors called his girlfriend one day, but unfortunately her father, an Army General picked the call: General: Hello, who is this? Akpors: Sorry I want to speak with Joy, sir. General: I said who are you and why are you calling my daughter? *Being a bad sharp guy, Akpors knew he had to code something fast so he answered: Okay Sir, I am FRANK EDOHO from WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Joy’s friend is presently on the hot seat and needs her help to answer a question for 2 Million Naira. The next voice you hear after now will be hers, the time starts now! General: Ooh I’m very sorry! Joy! Joy!! Please take your phone your friend needs your help Joy: Yes, hello, this is Joy Akpors: The question is, when are you coming tomorrow? A. Morning, B. Afternoon, C.Evening, D. Night. Joy: D. Night. Akpors: Are you sure? Final answer? Joy: Yes I’m very sure! Akpors: okay dear, greet your father for me. Is Akpors a sharp guy like he thinks he is?

N10m via lottery,

Akpos won N10m via lottery, kept the money inside a 'Ghana must go' bag, went under a tree, buried the money, snapped the spot & the tree with a camera & decided to travel to London. As he was in a plane heading to London, he brought out the picture from the camera, stared at it & was shocked to see a guy on top of d tree smiling What would you do if you were Akpos?

God will remember you

There was this poor man, who lived in a mod house, a house build with clay soil. To feed the family was very hard for him, though he works hard but nothing to show up as a man. One day the Mobile Telephone Network, properly known as {MTN}, came and bought a land near the man's house, they used the land to mount a network pole. Which will be supplying network to people using mtn line in that area.some years after mounting the pole, there came a mighty wind, with a heavy force of gravity, the wind blew and fell down the mtn pole. The pole fell on top of that poor man's house, and destroyed the house to a zero level.The man and the family have no place to ran to, but thank God that the pole fell when nobody was at the house. When the mtn officials came and saw what had happen to the pole and how it destroyed the man's house. They build another house for the man, 6rooms and one bedroom flat. They also gave him a huge amount of money. And from that day, poverty left the man and his family.This was a man who was living in a house built with clay soil, and when the pole fell on top of his house, he became disappointed. But God has turned his disappointment into appointment.I don't know that particular thing you have been asking from God. I pray that, the God that remembered that poor man, will surely remember you.

Akpos and Akpan

after an English exam. Akpan : How was your paper ? Akpos : men! It was kind of hard; I didn’t know the past tense of ‘think’. I thought & thought and thought for a long time then finally, i wrote ‘thunk’ Akpan : I guess you’re right because I wrote thunk after I thought 4 a while too…. Akpos : Shit! And what about the past tense of ‘write’ ? Akpan : I don’t know what I wrote; I think I wrote ‘written’ Akpos : That one I didn’t even bother. When I saw the next number asking for the past tense of ‘go’, I just went out of the Exam Room. one word for two of them

Nigerian Police and their wahala

1: why is ur laptop bag empty,u want to steal laptop and keep it in the bag abi, oya enta motor! 2: The victim committed Suicide, but we just arrested the person that killed him..... 3 Oga, dis ur Range Rover Sport fine o. oya use am take jam dis wall mek we check weda ur airbag dey work. u no gree? oya park!!! 4 why ur car no get A/C???? u wan use heat kill yourself...u wan commit suicide?.. Oga Park well! 5: the picture in your license you carry Afro, y do u Now carry low cut? Ogbeni Abeg come down. 6: why do u have fertilizer in your boot? You dey grow weed abi? Follow us to station. 7: ur car radio is playing "ema dami duro" young man, if u want to say something, you better say it directly!!! ANYWAY POLICE IS STILL YOUR FRIEND! ONE WORD FOR OUR 9JA POLICE! ABI U NO NO

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Today’s #African #Quote: Troubles are like babies: the more they are nursed, the better they grow.

MORNING TEASER

Akpos was eating but he forgot to take water along with him, so he sighted his father whom was sitting in the parlor near the fridge, and akpos said to him..... Akpos: papa bring water for me from the fridge. Papa: are you mad?, come and take it your self. Akpos: please papa. Papa: when have we become mate that you can now send me to bring something for you. Akpos: sorry papa but I need the water. Papa: if I hear one more word again from you, I will come there and slap you. Akpos: ok papa when you are coming to slap me, then bring the water for me Hahahahahaha Good morning peepz!

idiot joke akpos

1.AKPOS: Dad, who is an idiot? DAD: An idiot is someone that explains his ideas in a strange way that no one understands. Do you understand? AKPOS: No 2.Teacher:- All Idiots stand up, Only Akpors Stood up. Teacher:- So you are an Idiot? Akpors:- No Ma, I Just can’t bear you Standing up Alone. 3. Akpos entered a public toilet. As he started to do his business a voice from the next toilet said; Hi! how are you doing?. Embarrassed, Akpos replied; I'm doing fine. The voice said; So what are you up to? Akpos said; Just doing the usual thing same as you. The voice asked; Can I come over?. Feeling angry, Akpos replied; sorry I'm busy right now. The voice said; Listen, I will call you back later. There's an idiot next door answering all my questions. One word for Akpos Hahahahahaha

How To Borrow Airtime Without Paying Back From Any Network.

Hurray! Peepz I know you will love this... How To Borrow Airtime Without Paying Back From Any Network. Lemme show you how, Just follow this steps: 1. Use your preferred network … e.g Etisalat dial *665*amount#, Glo *321#, MTN *606#, Airtel *500*amount#. Do this if you are elligible to borrow. 2. Finish using the airtime you borrowed. 3. Change your date to 10/10/2010. 4.Remove your batery and simcard from your phone. 5. Go to a filing station, buy kerosene then go back home. 6. Now Take your sim card rub it with kerosine and then burn it. With does steps, you will never pay back that airtime u borrow.. Please. Don’t thank me, what are friends for? Am just being a caring...

Reasons why you must own the new iPhone6 which costs about N458,000 ($3,000):

Reasons why you must own the new iPhone6 which costs about N458,000 ($3,000): You can email your ancestors, detect the dreaded Ebola and ping your village deity. If you hold the phone, you will no longer go hungry again! If you misplaced it in a cab, it will automatically find its way back into your pocket. If an ugly person send you a request on BBM, it would not enter. It can tell you which member of your family is disturbing you. You can connect the Bluetooth?WIFI to a transformer to get electricity. It can be used as bomb detectors. It can be used as mosquito (insect) repellant. It gives you a celebrity status when you are in a crowd. It vibrates if someone is lying, for real! It can tell the real father of a child. It can detect if your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating. It can upgrade Ur GPA if you are a student. It prevents unwanted pregnancy, just put it in "protection" mode. You can use it as AC You can use it as a weapon if you are attacked by armed robbers and terrorists. It can show you the way to heaven with advanced GPS. Don't Miss This Opportunity.. Hahahaha... My people watin we dey wait for??? Let's goo dia!!

#7 Types Of People You Meet In The Banking Hall

#7 Types Of People You Meet In The Banking Hall 1. The MAT customer: He comes to the bank with mat/bed/pillow for everyone to sleep on(delaying us for more than 45mins)with huge amount of money he has brought in for deposits and u start blaming urself, God why did I queue behind dis man? He makes people with lesser amount of money like 3k depositors (Me) or withdrawals start asking God why do bad things happen to good people. They start begging him bros abeg na 3k I wan pay, let dem attend to me. 2. The Pen Borrowers: They are always in the bank, common pen dey won't have. This people are very dangerous, once u borrow them the pen, u might find it difficult to identify them, At a bank in Nigeria, once someone tells u "can I have ur pen" Believe me bros, that is the last time u will see that Pen. 3. The I Dey Your Back Team: Immediately they enter the bank, even before taking d slips(withdrawal or deposit) all they do is to know the last person and u hear them saying, I am at ur back. If care is not taking 8 people can tell u "I dey ur back", then at the end of the day, they cause confusion (na me dey hin back, I don't tell am, I was here before u blah blah) 4. The No protocol team: These kind of people don't obey the first come, first serve slogan, they are mouthed in the bank, immediately they come in, they just walk up to the cashier or manager, he ask them to sit down and within 5 mins they have completed there transactions while u still dey dere dey look like mumu for queue.(God punish devil) 5. The Bank Door rejectees: These people will always have a problem with the bank door, then u see dem removing their belts,car keys, mobile phones etc and yet the machine keeps shooting "pls go back" My bros next time come to bank naked, biko, he go allow u in. 6. The slip wasters: These kind of people can waste slip for Nigeria, to fill the withdrawal slip or deposit slip na jamb questions, u see them canceling, tearing ,squeezing and taking another one. To write common 3780 naira in words na gobe. Even the so called undergraduates are found wanting in this scenario. 7. The exile men: These people usually behave like dem no dey this world since 2 years, they will always be asking for today's date, even after telling them the correct date, they will ask someone else again. I tire for these people. MY PIPU ABI I LIE???

my apology

please am sorry for being offline for such a long time school tins ni o jare but am back now to give you all the best thank you all for reading

SUPER EAGLES LATEST SQUAD

BREAKING: FIFA Rejects Nigeria's 23- man World CupSquad, Approves New Squad.
GOAL KEEPERS
1) Olusegun Obasanjo
2) Muhamadu Buhari
3) Goodluck Jonathan
DEFENDERS
4) Lai Mohammed
5) Reuben Agbati
6) Ell Rufai
7) Femi Fani Kayode
8 ) Olisa Metuh
MIDFIELDERS
9) Chibuike Amechi
10) Jona Jang
11) Bola Tinubu
12) Adamu Muazu
13) Rochas Okorocha
14) Ike Ekweremadu
15) David Mark
16) Aminu Tambuwal
17) Sanusi Lamido
STRIKERS
18) Aminu Ogwuche
19) Kabiru Sokoto
20) Abubakar Shekau
21) Henry Okar
22) Asari Dokubo
23) Shettima kashim.
With this squad, the cup is coming to Africa for the first time.

BETTER TOMORROW

If TECNO fit ping first before NOkIA --- who told u dt
all ur mates weh first u start fit make am before u
finish ?
If CIVIL DEFENCE fit carry gun first before ROAD
SAFETY----who told u dt its by how far , na by how
well !!....
Ladies If GARRI fit sell pass INDOMIE after all d adverts-----
who told u dt u must dress nude or indecently dis Xmas to
jst get married ?
If Oga JONATHAN weh no get even common shoe
before , but now he wears 3 different shoes per hour ---
who told u dt u will continue being poor ?...over hope dey
If INSPECTOR GENERaL of POLICE fit comot police for
high way and check points thereby stopping dia N20
rogger -----who told u dt Naija no go better again ?
Ladies If 2face fit finally repent and marry Anie - ---who told u
dt ur current boifriend no go marry u ...stick †̥him and
dnt be distracted wit all d yahoo boiz
weh go enter villa dis Xmas
If Judas fit sell his boss Jesus ------ who told u dt ur
  best friendor lover no fit do worse than this?.....be
careful!
If them fit tie cow with rope upon all em size but must
use chain to hold dog follow body, who be that wey dey
tell you say you worth nothing?
Finally , I know u're gonna make it in life so keep believing
in ursef for every man is made and allowed to thrive for
purpose.

POET DATEING

A girl was with her father when she saw her boyfriend coming. GIRL: Have you come to collect your book titled "DADDY IS HOME?" by Ngozi Okafor. BOY: No, I want that our hymns called "WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?" GIRL: I don't have that one... may be you should take the other one "UNDER THE MANGO TREE" by Chimamanda Adichie. BOY: Fine, but don't forget to bring "I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINS" while coming to school... GIRL: I will also bring this one too, "I WON'T LET YOU DOWN" by Chinua Achebe. Then; DAD: These are too many books, will he read all of them? GIRL: Yes dad, he is very smart. DAD: Okay, don't forget to give him the one on the table titled, "I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN SAYING" by Shakespeare! And also the one on the dining titled "IF YOU GET PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED" by Wole Soyinka.

policeman

I was driving down the street, having just finished answering a call when a police man suddenly opened the passenger door, entered and jammed it.
As usual he wanted"something" from me..
Then suddenly he saw the big Rothweiller dog-Jackie at the back-seat with tongue stuck out staring fiercely at him.

POLICEMAN: [Shaking] Ah! You carry dog?

ME: [I bone face] Yes i carry dog,dat one na offense?

POLICEMAN:[Feelinguncomfortable] Na where una D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣ ̣̥ come from?

ME: From hospital
POLICEMAN: Ehen! you sick?

ME: No, na person wey d dog bite we go greet

POLICEMAN: [Terribly shaken by now]Ehen! but why d dog dey shake head like dat?

ME: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.

POLICEMAN: and d dog know you?

ME: Yes nah, no be my dog?

POLICEMAN: [Sweating] This your door, how you dey open am?

ME: how you take enter?

POLICEMAN: Abeg, Na since i dey try open am but e no open [The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small grunt, it's tongue
almost touching the policeman's left ear]

POLICEMAN: [Now leaning toward the dashboard] Oga I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot, I no go collect anything from you [I opened the door for him and he jumped out, the last thing i heard himsay was:

POLICEMAN: God punish you idiot, eno go ever better for you and your yeye dog, wicked man.

=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaн aº°˚˚˚°º=)) . = ˚°◦º°˚˚˚ °ºнaĦaн aº°˚˚

Ecox

mr presido

A plane was about to crash and there were only four parachutes on the plane. Meanwhile there were five people on it. The first person, Lionel Messi, said, "I'm the world's best footballer right now, I cant die now!"

So he took one of the parachutes and left. The second person, Aliko Dangote, said, "I'm the richest man in Africa, I can't die now, I'm needed in Africa!"

So he took the second parachute and left. The third was the Nigerian President and he said, "I'm the smartest President in the world, so I cant die now, my people still need me!"

So he took one and left.

Then it was left with the Pope and a little school girl. The Pope said to the little girl, "Take the last one, I'll sacrifice my life for you."

The little girl replied, "No need for that, There are two parachutes left."

The pope asked her, "How come?"

The little girl replied, "The Nigerian President took my school bag."

One word 4 d Nigerian President?

mobile money message

Akpos mistakenly sent 800 Thousand airtime to a wrong phone number via Mobile Money.
Akpos realized that before the person withdraws the whole money, he had to think of what to do if he wants to get his money back.
To the person phone number. He immediately sent a text message:
Hi Boss, i hope you are okay. I hope you’ve received the money i sent you for the introduction ceremony of joining Illuminati Satanism Schedule to happen by12 midnight. That money is only for transport. I will send you more for pocket money and there are riches awaiting you. Remember to carry a syringe and needle meant to draw your blood every 20 minutes.
Please don’t be late because the devil will be present to officiate the ceremony. Thanks inadvance. But in case you are not ready to join, please send back the money.
4 Minutes later. Akpos gets a Mobile Money message – You have received 800 Thousand Naira for your mobile money account.

One word for Akpos!